on chesil beach

I don't know if you've read this book but it explains a lot about human behaviour and the dire consequences that can result if things are left unsaid - misunderstandings, hurt feelings and recriminations that are unvoiced and unknown to the other person.

It's hard when you love someone, you intertwine your thoughts and feelings so that it becomes hard to separate and distance yourself from a situation and get the clarity that you need. It's especially hard when you are involved with someone who finds it difficult to vocalise their feelings as you are then always a step behind, trying to analyse and second guess what they are feeling and thinking, and more often than not getting it wrong.

It is only but trying to go through the painful, awkward and difficult process of asking them directly do you finally come to the heart of the matter. You can feel your heart starting to beat faster, and you are terribly afraid of what they might say, what might happen and for a split second you can see the whole thing crash and burn.

I've come to realise that things are never easier and that sometimes you have to listen to some hard truths and also deal some of your own. To put yourself out there on a limb is so frightening, to expose yourself in such a way and not know how that is going to be received.

I always thought that you get to a point when you feel secure and everything is settled but I'm not so sure now. I don't know how things are going to turn out but I'm optimistic. I know I'm not in it alone, it's not just my feelings invested and I have to believe that there's a chance otherwise really what is the point.